Does blogging about getting pregnant jinx you?
No, seriously. I've read so many TTC blogs and they break my heart. If you start at their beginnings everything sounds so optimistic. And yet as the months and years pass it's like riding a surf of constantly rising and crashing waves with perfect strangers- excitement during their 2ww and utter despair on CD1s. You feel the hope they have after appointments with REs and the absolute desperation when treatments don't work.
I'm scared shitless that I'm going to be that person too. God, I hate the thought that in two years I could be looking back on this exact post thinking, "Man, wish I hadn't been so naive back then" or "I had no clue how it was going to be."
And I know that's SO negative. I know, I know. But seriously two of my biggest fears in life are being alone and having my heart broken and I feel like this TTC process puts both of those things on the line.
When I'm feeling especially sad after reading certain blogs I try to look at some of my old favorite "mom" sites. You know those blogs where moms tell you how to save money and be awesome. (I read up on these a lot in the year before we officially started TTC.) And I like those except for the fact that I see these women who seem to have no trouble getting pregnant and then that makes me sad too.
So basically any kind of blog about pregnancy makes me sad. My heart just breaks when I talk to people going through infertility. We're not there yet and I hope we won't be, but I am starting to understand the fear.
What's the balance here? For the meantime, I have no idea.
But I do have this idea of something I want to do if I get my BFP. I don't want to talk about it yet because it feels like jinxing again. But it's an idea that makes me feel positive - like maybe I could help someone else going through this TTC muck.
Fingers crossed.
This song just makes so much sense.
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