Two Days Out

I'll be honest.
Yesterday was an emotional mind-____ of a day.

I started researching all that I could find out about Adenomyosis and freaked myself out.  The main concern I have is implantation.  DH thinks I'm wrong for worrying because the doctor specifically told him after my surgery that I should not worry about my uterus.  But I guess him saying that makes me think, "Right.  And how many other infertile people were told the same thing by their doctors?"  I am so negative when it comes to myself.  I always assume the worst thing is going to happen to me that can possibly happen.  Granted, when your dad dies young and your mom gets diagnosed with cancer the same year, maybe it changes your world view.  I cried for most of the day yesterday.

Today I am trying to wean myself off of the Vicodin.  It is such a nasty pain pill; I struggle to imagine ever being addicted to it.  I was on a similar pain medication when I had my wisdom teeth removed in high school and I remember this same burning feeling in my stomach after having taken it for only two days.  At this point, I am in pain but I am more uncomfortable as I deal with this gross nauseous feeling that I am sure is related to stopping the Vicodin.  Gross.

My pain today is not horrible.  It's not great either.  (I can probably chalk that up to going off the heavy pain meds too.)  My incision looks pretty good; the doctor did a great job of hiding it in one of my little bikini lines.  That's not to say that I was overly worried about the cosmetics of this entire process because I am super self-conscious about my entire midsection as it is, but I appreciated that he did such a good job with it.  And the midsection thing is another story.  I have always been pretty thin but had a little "pooch" to my stomach.  I assumed it was because I eat bread and sugar as much as the next person.  I do wonder now with this uterus thing coming up if that plays a role in things.  I hope not.  I am GENUINELY hoping that when I go to the post-op appointment on the 15th the doctor will say, "Oh, if you have this Adeno thing it's probably inconsequential and definitely not enough to impact your fertility, your waist size, etc etc." Sigh.  This is seriously freaking me out.  I'm glad my tubes are clear.  I'm glad my ovaries look good.  But if my uterus is messed up I think I might be shit out of luck. This terrifies me to no end.

Moving on to a different topic.

I am working on researching a healthier diet.  I am a big milk drinker and now I've found out that the hormones in milk can cause flare ups.  (Geesh.  Really?  I thought drinking milk was awesome?  So much for the advertisements.)  I'm going to be looking into more organic brands, but I also realize that there's better choices and then there's overboard.  It's going to be impossible to never eat anything bad, but I'm hoping I can watch it and keep a better check on it.


In the meantime, this week is conference week.  I am debating taking Monday off so that I am a little more recharged for a 12 hour day on Tuesday and Thursday.  Hmm.