I'm here.

I survived the lap.  (And that's a serious statement. I was so worried about freak complications.) I want to write about what happened today because I think it's going to be a blur by tomorrow.  Here goes.

The Night Before
The night before I had to shower with a special over-the-counter surgical cleaner.  The smell of it made me sick to my stomach because I can't help but associate the smell of rubbing alcohol with my parents being in the hospital when I was a kid.  (I had to scrub with it again when I woke up this morning and I tried to not breathe in the scent as much as I could.)  It's really not a "bad" smell, but again, memories...
I ate a small dish of pasta and garlic bread for dinner around 6 because I knew that, while you're not supposed to overdo your food the night before surgery, I didn't want to have a migraine today because I was hungry from not eating after midnight.

Before the Hospital This Morning
After I got ready this morning, DH, my mom and I were late to the hospital because DH took a detour that led us to some shady part of downtown.  Fortunately, DH drives around there for work all the time and was able to get us there.  Unfortunately, we were even later arriving than we thought we'd be because we parked in the wrong part of the hospital.  For those undergoing their first laparoscopy, I recommend you scout out the location and best routes beforehand.  You'll probably be nervous about the entire thing to begin with; don't add the stress of being late to everything else.  Lesson learned.

Checking In
After we finally got where we needed to be, I checked in with the insurance desk and they told me I had some money left for out-of-pocket expenses for the year- a whopping $126.78!  Thank GOD for my insurance.  I couldn't believe it.  I still kind of can't and am totally waiting for a few more bills to follow up.  Either way, at this point I feel incredibly fortunate to have good insurance.  The bills associated with reproductive disorders are so daunting and it's just so unfair that women dealing with everything else have to worry about money on top of it all.

DH, mom and I ended up waiting in the general waiting room for 20 minutes before I was called back for the pre-op stuff.  My heart kind of skipped when DH gave me this "look" as I stood up to go with the nurse.  I love that man so much.  He's my heart.

Pre-Op Stuff
The first nurse that took me back was not overly friendly, but fortunately she wasn't my nurse for most of the morning.  The second nurse was SO sweet.  I am seriously going to write a thank you letter to the department and mention her by name.  She could tell I was nervous and she just kept working on keeping my mind busy.  She told me her daughter is also 26 and just underwent a lap for Endo at the same hospital this year.   She also said she's now 3 months pregnant.  Whether or not that works for me, I so appreciated her positivity.  She was so reassuring and took the edge off.   While I was with her, the first thing I did was scrub my stomach with a packaged sponge with soap.  I then changed into two gowns (one front open one back open) and put on the ugly hospital socks.  The nurse then got an IV going and told me she'd put it in my arm instead of my hand because it would cause less of a bruise.  Finally, she put on the leg wraps to prevent blood clots.  Then she asked me a TON of questions.  And while she was doing that, several OTHER people came in and asked a lot of the same questions.  They really fixate on two things: 1) When did you last eat and 2) What are you having done today?

After I got settled, DH and my mom came back.  My surgery was supposed to start at 9:30 but he was running late due to complications with a robotic surgery before me.  I didn't mind though--- if it was me, I'd want him to take his time!  While we waited, his resident came in and asked if she could help with my surgery.  This made me SOOOO mad!  I had specifically asked my OB during my pre-op appointment if anyone else would do my surgery and he had said "no".  It was very awkward for me to say, "Um...Well, I'm really nervous....I'd really rather have the doctor do it...Uh, I'm sorry..."  I understand that residents must learn, but I just couldn't let her make me a guinea pig.  Ladies who are having this done, speak up for yourselves if you aren't comfortable with a resident.  After I basically told her "no" she asked me if she could do sutures for me and I was like, "Uh, I guess...I really just want the doctor".  Then she said, "Well, is it okay if I'm in the room?"  GAH!  I really resented being put in such an awkward position.  It's like, "Uh, duh. Of course you can -watch-.  But no, I don't want to play guinea pig today."  I had been feeling sort of shaky nervous before she came in but after she left, that nervousness went away and I just felt SO mad I couldn't think of anything else for 20 minutes. Maybe it was a good distraction.  (For the record, I have no idea if she did end up doing my sutures.  I hope not, but it's over and done with now so who knows...)  Finally, a nurse came in and gave me something to prevent nausea later on. After that, I don't remember feeling nervous again.  I'm not sure if the medicine she gave me had that effect or if I was just still ticked at the resident, but it was good to feel calm.

My doctor came at 11:00 and was very apologetic about running late.  I had purchased a box of gourmet cake pops and offered them to him.  He was so taken aback and my response was something like, "If you want to run late with my surgery too, that'd be okay."  :)  He laughed, which made me feel good.  I think he said something along the line of, "No one's ever brought me anything before."  I don't mind kissing up to the doctor.  Whatevs if it helps me build a good relationship with the guy.  I also gave buckeye chocolates to the nurse who'd been so nice to me too.  I don't think it hurts to be kind to the people you're going to be INCREDIBLY reliant on later.  ;)

My family said goodbye and then about 4 nurses wheeled me to the operating room.  I was starting to feel loopy from the Versed they gave me and the last thing I remember is breathing deeply from a mask and trying to tell the person that it was making me nauseous.  I don't know if that's normal, but I know it made me feel really sick right before I passed out.  Just a heads-up.  After that, I don't remember anything.

Post-Op
I woke up in recovery with a different nurse sitting by my bed, which was SO phenomenal.  I felt so safe having someone right there trying to anticipate what I needed before I needed it.  I couldn't talk because my throat was sore from the tube, but I think I pointed to my throat and she brought an ice chip.  I was shaking very hard and couldn't quite keep my eyes open.  I was trying to ask what they found and she must have understood because she said that my record said "Endometriosis" but there were no surgical notes and I'd have to talk to DH.  (That was probably one of the worst moments.  I was thinking that maybe she DID know what was wrong but was scared to tell me herself.  Oh, makes me tear up just remembering that.)  I kept dozing in and out.  When I could stay awake a little longer, she told me that when they rolled me in to her I was green and she knew the meds they'd given me had made me sick.  She was on it immediately though and pushed something through my IV before I woke up.  I have no memory of feeling sick when I woke up---just very bad chills.  She covered me in warm blankets and after an hour or so, I was feeling 50% better.  I was wheeled down to the discharge room and a male nurse helped me into a chair.  (SO awkward because my butt was definitely right out there when I stood up.  He was so nice about it!)

What They Found
I won't know a lot of the detailed specifics until I see the report, but when DH and my mom came in, I  felt my stomach drop.  It seemed like they were putting on happy faces, which immediately made me think, "Oh God. What?!"  I looked at them both and said, "No BS.  What'd they find?"  DH pulled out the pictures my doctor took and they started explaining it to me---which took at least 10 times because I kept forgetting what they were saying.

Scary Stuff:
I have moderate Endo.
There is erosion BEHIND my left ovary, not on it.
There was a spot of Endo deep in my pelvis, but not on any organs.
The doctor suspects adenomyosis, which affects the uterus.  No treatment for that.

Good Stuff:
The dye ran through both tubes, so they are CLEAR! :)
My ovaries have NO Endo and no scar tissue.  :)
The doctor told DH, "There is nothing I found that makes me think she can't get pregnant."
The doctor then said, "Go home and try your best to get her pregnant." :)

I kept asking DH and mom, "Are you sure that's all? Are you lying?"  I thought for sure the Endo would be all over.  I am not happy at all about the uterus stuff.  I'm trying to research it a little at a time so I don't freak myself out.  But I'm feeling very relieved about my tubes and ovaries.

My throat was very sore while I sat in the discharge room and I kept drinking water.  The gas pain everyone talks about started soon after I sat up.  It didn't -kill- me, but it wasn't pleasant either.  I was still pretty doped up at that point and I kept dozing while people talked to me. The doctor warned me that the first time I went to the bathroom I might see blue.  I didn't.  I actually saw blood.  (TMI, I know.)  But after the initial bathroom visit, the blood got less and less and by the 4th time there was no new blood.  The nurse told me if I passed a blood clot or the bleeding got heavier I would have to go to the ER.  Knock on wood, so far so good.  She also said if at any point I spiked a temp over 100 I would need to go to the ER.  Again, knock on wood...

When we drove home I didn't feel nauseous but the gas pain sucked.  DH dropped off my prescriptions in a drive-thru pharmacy and stopped to pick up chicken noodle soup since you have to eat with the pain meds.

All in all, my incision site is probably a 4 or 5 for pain.  My gas pain fluctuates between 6 and a strong 7.  I think I'm really managing my pain at this point though and I'm taking the meds religiously and as frequently as I can have them.  (THIS IS THE WAY TO GO, I am sure of it.)  Right now, again knock on wood, I am pleasantly surprised by how I feel.  I'm definitely in pain, but I feel like it's going to get better in a few days.

Mushy
Tonight when my mom went to the store to pick some things up, DH looked at me and said, "I didn't like you in hospital.  At all.  Letting you go was the worst thing.  I just sat in the waiting room and watched your number the entire time."

DH is such a goofy guy.  Hearing him say that was one of the most amazing things he's ever said to me.  I feel so lucky to be loved so much by someone like that.


In General
I'm glad I know what's going on.  In reality, the doctor couldn't do much to help me but he got the things that could be gotten.  (The adenomyosis can only be corrected with removal.  The erosion has already done damage and nothing can be done.  The doctor got rid of the Endo deep in the pelvis.)  I don't know if I should have just waited for a full year of TTC because it doesn't seem to me that anything he's done is going to affect getting pregnant.  However, I would never have known that for sure if he hadn't gone in and looked.  Now I feel like I can breathe a little more because I know what's happening.  I pray (pray pray pray) that I will be a lucky one to get pregnant.  But now, the surgery is done, a diagnosis seems confirmed and the equivalent of an HSG was done while I was asleep, so I didn't have to feel that.

To anyone considering going through a lap, please know that I was soooo scared of doing this and, for now, I'm doing okay.  It wasn't as bad as what I made it be in my mind.  I also know that I found a doctor who came highly recommended and that I felt was skilled.  If you feel like something is "off" with your doctor, SWITCH! (I left my first OB because of this.  I am so glad that I didn't let her operate  on me now that I look back at the experience I've had with the new OB.)  I hope my story will give a little positive insight for someone else just as I gained positive insight from several ladies on The Bump.